Mental Status Report

My mind is quite out of control for the most part. It's something that seems to disturb me more and more each day. I used to be someone who felt in complete control of my mind and body. At one point I was able to easily mentally block out pain and hunger and such. Then something happened and I have lost this control. Not only that, but I have had actual emotions and feeling overcome me in ways that I can't change. The worst parts of this seem to come about every six months. I remember quite clearly about a year ago having major depression issues and also again I had a couple of weeks of these issues over the summer. This also happened a bit in the past too. The problems seem to have returned this past week. Today is the first day that I feel more in control. It's hard to really explain what is going on, but I just get this overwhelming sense that I am worthless and alone. Then I start to become really paranoid. The worst part is, I am completely aware that the paranoia is unjustified and I try talking myself out of it, but it doesn't really seem to help. Nothing seems to help really. I tried sleeping it away, drinking it away. No help. Anyhow, this isn't meant to be a pity post or anything. I avoiding posting anything while I was being most affected as I didn't want to sound like an asshole or anything. I really just wanted to get my thoughts out in writing to try and help deal with them.